Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
