wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He passed out mid-signature
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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