Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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