I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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