I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
