Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
