Well apparently he's into motor boating.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
