Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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