Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
