Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
