hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize