How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
