the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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