If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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