Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
