I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.