im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can you bring me the toilet please
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.