HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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