i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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