god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
