Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
