I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
