i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
