I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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