To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
