Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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