Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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