I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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