he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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