I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
