Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
