Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
