so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize