So drunk its hurt
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He shit in the fireplace
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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