i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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