at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
