He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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