So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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