OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
