I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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