I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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