We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
