I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
