you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
