I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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