okay pat passed out under dana's car
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
