If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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