i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
