so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's like iHOP with fire
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
