Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
