i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
