btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
