You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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