i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
