I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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