Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
