I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
