I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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