all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
