I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
