no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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