Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
