All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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