...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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