apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We had sex on a dog bed..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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