You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
