I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
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Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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