just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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