My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
