We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
