You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
