Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
