so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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