Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
