i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
