is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
