Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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