You really coming over, don't trick.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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