Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
