he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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