My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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