I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
