DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My penis needs a shock collar
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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