sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
